Holy Farting Sharks…

The Optimist’s Umbrella will be updating in about 9 hours with a filler piece, composed more out of obligation than anything else. I just couldn’t think of a topic.

Then I turned on the news.

Russia might not be trying to take over parts of Ukraine, but, you know, they’re doing a pretty dead-on impression of it. Combine that with Russia’s thousand-year-quest for beachfront property, and well, here we go again, kiddies.

I’ve said for a while now that Russia’s been acting a lot more like Russia lately. Putin’s a total different bag from Yeltsin. Under Yeltsin, Russia was all warm and nice and polite. They were basically France.

Not anymore, folks. The Bear is back and he is pissed the hell off!

Speaking of Putin, is anyone else thrown off by this guy? First off, how is he still in charge? They have free elections in Russia. I know. I’ve lived through at least two of them.

I’d thought Putin wasn’t the president or premier or whatever anymore. It’s like if we elected Barack Obama, but kept listening to Jimmy Carter into the 2010s.

Ok, fine. So, he’s the President of Russia now. Whoopdee-doo.

But I thought this whole Pan-Slavic, nationalistic, “Russia for Russians,” self-determination-for-all-ethnic-groups thing went out of style the day we dropped the Bomb?

Now, Russia’s acting all big and bad cuz they want the Crimean peninsula?

Paging Nurse Nightingale to Ward One…

Uh…WTF?

This and Arizona and the ongoing healthcare thing where our President decided to give us our medicine because it’s for our own good and it’s all just…BLEEEEERRGGH!

The Affordable Care Act isn’t that big of a deal to me, honestly. Aside from taxpayer-funded abortions, I really don’t care that much. I’ve never picked my own doctor before. Continuing to not have a choice isn’t a downgrade.

I’m more concerned with the fact that on one side, we have an honest-to-God egomaniacal dictatorship forming, and on the other hand, our own president has an army of flying killer robots.

Is this the future or the past?

Have we all gone nuts or stupid?

Are we human or are we dancer?

What the hell is Brandon Flowers even singing about?

Well…

I really need to see this movie.

And dammit, I miss Philip Seymour Hoffman!

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